League of Capitals
by DeathbladeMeister
Summary: What happens when one of the two most secret organizations decides to reveal itself to the world? Chaos of course! Probably the biggest humour- fic with every fun cliché- magic, gender bending, states, capitals, Nyotalia, Nekotalia, and as many fourth- wall jokes Buda-san and I can get away with.
1. The Failed Revelation

After over 4000 years of hiding, one of the two most secret organizations on earth was about to raise its head.

"I still think this is a bad idea, aru."

"I agree, Beiji-san, but it would be imporite to not reveal our existence together."

"Kessesse- I am awesome!"

"Konig, that had nothing to do with the conversation."

"I don't care. Tomato- loving pussy- boys are too unawesome for the likes of the awesome me!"

"All will become one with Father Russia, da?"

"OMG, like, STFU or I will become your capital!"

"Ve~ gelato~"

"Get the fuck off me, matador bastard!"

"But Roma, you're so cute~"

"Yah! Too many tildes!"

"Darling, I have asked you before, not to break the fourth wall…"

"Ohnonon~ are things getting a little hot for little Roma?"

"Come here and say that to my face, snail bitch."

"Dudettes! Seriously! Trying to sneak around UN building here!"

"Well, if we'd made good use of my magical abilities or one of my excellent spying techniques we would've gotten here much sooner. Honestly, you'd think you learnt absolutely nothing during your- albeit brief- stay-"

"Great idea! We could have used jellied eel as plastic explosive!"

"WHAT! Jellied eels are delicious! And come to think of it, how are you even in the League anyway?"

"Mein Gott, can't you all just shut up! It was very hard to sneak fourteen people into this building in the first place-"

"Fifteen people, eh."

"Vancouver! When you get here?"

"I'm not Vancouver…"

"Funfzehn, then. And I am not letting you scheißkopfs ruin our revelation."

"We weren't trying to, aru."

"Gut. Let's move"

So 15 of the 200 members of the League were slowly moving through the air vents of the UN's Belgian headquarters. It was extremely uncomfortable, and rather precarious. Because you see, the thing is about air vents is that however many times they are used in movies, they aren't meant to hold people, and are not very good for climbing into, and out of, buildings. And these particular air vents were beginning to reach a very unsteady point…

"Okay, were right over the main hall. They're all down there, looking bored. It's time for our great reveal!"

Because you see, air vents are at their weakest right in the middle of a large room…

"All we need to do is crawl right over there to that grille in the middle of the room!"

And characters never listen to the author anyways.

"FOURTH WALL!"

"Ve~ Buda-san, who are you talking to?"

"No-one of great importance. Keep crawling."

Charmed. And when characters don't listen ("FOURTH WALL!") they tend to do very stupid things that the author has already said would happen.

"It's called foreshadowing."

Exactly.

So when fifteen people decide to crawl into the weakest part of an air vent, it is very likely the air vent is going to collapse.

"Eh?"

And that the people in it will fall into the room below.

"WHAT!" –CREAK- "SHIT!"

-CRASH-

"Crazy people are falling from the ceiling! Run! Women, children and Prussias first!"

"Like, what the hell is going on?"

"Curses! Foiled again!"

"POWER RANGERS TV SHOW REFERENCE!"

"Your breasts are mine, da ze~!"

"It is neither time nor place for this!"

"In retrospect, the vents were a bad idea..."

Suddenly an angry blonde German man pulled himself from the carnage of what was once the ceiling. To say he was pissed is like saying that Iceland's Fridge is an _awesome_ crackfic.

"It really is, isn't it?"

Indeed, but still, the angry blonde German man, henceforth known as the Federal Republic of Germany, also known as Germany, was enraged.

"EVERYONE SHUT UP! WE CALLED THIS CONFERENCE TO SOLVE THE WORLDS PROBLEMS, NOT TO FIGHT ABOUT THE FACT WE HAVE JUST BEEN INTERUPPTED BY TEENAGERS FALLING FROM THE SKY. AND SINCE I AM THE ONLY ONE WHO SEEMS TO KNOW HOW TO RUN A MEETING, WE'LL FOLLOW MY RULES FROM HERE ON OUT. CALL SECURITY ON THESE KIDS, NO MORE SUBTLE MOLESTATION, AND COMPLETELY IGNORETHE GIANT MESS OF PLASTER ON THE FLOOR. NOW IF YOU HAVE ANY OBJECTIONS PLEASE RAISE YOUR HAND BUT DO SO IN A WAY THAT DOES NOT MOCK OR REFERENCE MY COUNTRY'S PAST!"

"PASTAAAA~!"

"FOURTH WALL!"

Needless to say, the latter exclamation caused numerous groans from the teenage group. Only two of them actually knew what the 'fourth wall' was, and they still didn't get half the things that were apparently funny that accompanied it.

However, Germany had calmed down from his initial outburst and was now proceeding to call UN security. This would be extremely bad for the fourteen that would get kicked out (The fifteenth wouldn't be noticed) since it would mean they had lost probably their only chance to reveal themselves to the nations.

"Nooooooo~! Don't call the cops on us, man!"

"Non, Allemange, we have not introduced ourselves yet-"

"It would make us breaking the ceiling, admittedly by accident, pointless, aru."

"Don't you dare call fucking security, potato bastard~"

"Gah! Fucking Italian tildes!"

Germany finished typing in the security number and put his thumb on the 'call' button.

"Now give me one reason why I shouldn't push this button."

"That's easy! It's because we're…."

* * *

**WOW, this is long for a first chapter. Well, it is for me anyway. So, what do you think? Love it? Hate it? If you've guessed who they are, tell me in a review. Remember, reviews = love!**

**Translations:**

** Scheißkopfs (German) = shitheads**

**Gut (German) = good**

**Funfzehn (German) = Fifteen**

**Oh, and I don't own Hetalia, (If I did, North England would be a character) Iceland's Fridge, (If I did it would be a lot longer) or Power Rangers (If I did, it wouldn't exist).**

**Merci beaucoup. DBM out.**


	2. The Introductions

**_Previously on the League of Capitals:_**

**_Gallantly our heroes broke into the UN building. Fiercely they crawled through the air vents to the meeting room. Valiantly they broke the fourth wall and the ceiling. And amazingly, they have nearly had security called on them… again._**

_Germany finished typing in the security number and put his thumb on the 'call' button._

_"Now give me one reason why I shouldn't push this button."_

_"That's easy! It's because we're…"_

* * *

"… Awesome!"

"Why do you need two sets of ellipses?"

"Because I'm awesome!"

"Honestly Konig, you could have at least given a half- decent answer…"

The albino Prussian man, henceforth known as Prussia, stuck his head round the door, from behind which he had been cowering. Awesomely.

"Konig?"

The boy addressed as Konig, henceforth known as Konig, answered.

"Yes! I am the awesome city of Königsburg, capital of the mighty Prussia!"

"Technically you were renamed Kalingrad when East Prussia dissolved into Russia…"

"I AM THE MIGHTY KÖNIGSBURG!"

"Really? I didn't know that…"

"Although it does explain why he looks like the love child of Prussia and Russia…"

"OKAY, WE GET THE POINT!" Prussia yelled, causing the people who had remained (All of whom will appear in this chapter) to jump in alarm. "The less we talk about the time in Soviet Russia the better."

"IN SOVIET RUSSIA, TIME TALK ABOUT YOU!"

Fifteen eyes widened in a mixture of shock, horror, pity and delight at the words of the American meme- spouter and slowly turned, Cuckoos-of-Midwich style, towards the pale long-haired member of their group, who so far had been innocently playing with her scarf. Very unfortunately for the American, henceforth know as the United States of America, also known as America, her face was not contorted into an evil mask of furious intent towards him.

"You insult Father Russia. You die now, da?"

America screamed like a pansy as the Belarus clone, henceforth known as Moscow, began to advance with a shovel. No-one questioned where she had gotten it from, although some countries (READ: France) had an idea they would not voice in front of Russia.

"OH FOR FUCKS SAKE THAT IS JUST WRONG! I DOUBT EVEN FRANCE WOULD THINK OF THAT, YOU MEGRONT!"

Don't question my narration, Buda-san.

"Ve~ Buda-san, who are you talking too?"

"No-one. Turn around and introduce yourself."

"Sì, Buda-san." The surprisingly spontaneous (Oooh, alliteration-nice) jumped on the back of her sulky- looking sibling, and vehed;

"Veh~ Ciao, I am Venice-chan and I loooove gelato and this is my big sister Rome. Isn't she adorable? I'm the northern capital, and she's the southern one. Since we've always been governed separately she had to spend more time with Romano-san, so she's become kind of a bitch. Go on; say hi to our new friends!"

"FOURTH WALL!"

Roma-san, henceforth known as Rome, proceeded to punch her sister in the face. The actual nations looked on in shock at the obvious parallels between the City sisters and the Italy brothers. Romano, henceforth known as Romano, was just actually astonished that he actually got the capital of his country, instead of his useless brother.

"Chigi~ you mean I actually get the capital?"

"Well I'm not exactly northern, am I, bastard? Who did you think you were going to get, Pompeii?"

"Come on, Roma, he's just a little surprised-"

"Yaaah~ matador bastard, get your fucking hands off of me!"

"Pero Roma, eres tan lindo! Al igual que un helado de tomate!"

"Yaaah, don't touch me there, bastard!"

"Madrid, I presume?"

The tanned, undeniably sexy capital of Spain, henceforth known Madrid, agreed hastily.

"Sì! And I love my Little Roma!"

"Ohnonon, Pays de Pasion, getting a little ahead of ourselves, are we?»

Two nations, one with huge eyebrows, and one with an undeniable 'rapist' air looked over at the owner of the voice with horror and delight, respectively. Eyebrows, henceforth known as the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, also known as England, began to faceplant the wall, much to his capitals' chagrin, and rapist, henceforth known as France, sided up to the city with the retarded speech marks.

"Je présume que cette belle dame devant moi est Paris?"

"Votre présomption est correcte, mon bon monsieur."

« Puis-je vous demander si vous faites quelque chose ce soir?"

"Rien de ce qui ne pouvait pas être réarrangé pour du temps de qualité avec vous, monsieur ..."

«Euh, les gars, vous vous rendez compte que je peux comprendre ce que vous dites, non, eh? »

"Who are you?"

"I'm Ottawa…"

"WHAT! Guys, did you seriously forget Quebec?"

"Not Quebec…"

"I'm afraid you cannot talk, Washington. You can't even remember his name."

"YOU DISSIN' ME, BEEOTCH? Heroes don't forget their little brothers name!"

"I am not 'dissing' you, Washington. However you got into the League I'll never know…"

"WHAT YOU TRYIN' TO SAY?"

"What I'm trying to say is that technically, aren't you a state? Not a capital?"

"YOU SAYIN I'M NOT GOOD ENOUGH, LONDON?"

"No, not at all, just that I will never recognise you as a full League member…"

At this, D.C began to beat the fuck out of the 'defenceless' English girl. It did not take her very long though, for her to switch into 'Cockney Mode' and start beating the fuck back.

"I do not think this is going to be a quick fight, aru."

"I agree, Beiji-san. Ret us go and introduce ourserves to the remaining countries."

The two Asian nations, henceforth known as Beijing and Tokyo, climbed to the top of the ceiling wreckage (bet you forgot that was there, huh) and addressed the nations not watching the fight. ("Place your bets! Odds 2-1 on the Cockney bitch, Kessesse!")

"Konichiwa, United Nations. I am Tokyo, capital of Japan."

"And I am Beijing, capital of the Peoples' Republic of China, aru."

Suddenly a hyperactive Korean man stopped chanting "Kill that bastard!" to grin at Beijing.

"Beijing? You know how you've been around as long as China? And you know him better than anyone, da- ze?"

"Yes, aru?"

"Since aniki has never told me… what gender is he?"

"WTF KOREA, ARU?"

"Only asking, da-ze! I just want to know whether your breasts really originated in Korea, da-ze!"

"Yeah! We want to know too!"

China turned in despair to the other nations, having finished watching the fight ("Stupid Cockney bitch cheated! I swear!") And were now looking on in fascination. He sighed, and turned to his capital city.

"You may tell them, aru."

The girl shrugged and grinned apologetically.

"I'm afraid I cannot do that. I don't know myself, aru."

This revelation was apparently too much for Korea and Poland, who were now rolling on the floor, nearly pissing themselves. Warsaw soon joined them, saying it was "Like, too much to handle. The look on China's face was totally just like when I painted a Santa face on Villy in whipped cream, like OMG!"

Now knowing twelve of the fifteen, Germany turned to the last three.

"Wie heiß du?"

Out of them, there was a Germany shadow clone, henceforth known as Berlin, an Austria shadow clone, henceforth known as Vienna, and a Hungary shadow clone, hence-

"Okay! WTF is up with the 'henceforth knowns'?

It's funny. Or at least I think it is.

"You better not use it for me, or I'm going to go spatula on your Manc ass!"

Shut up, Budapest. Or I'm going to rewrite your 'special' chapter.

"Foreshadowing…"

Indeed. So anyway, in the last 1168 words, all fifteen capital cities/ states/ random filler characters ("Hey! The awesome me resents that!" "Fuck off Konig! Only I'm allowed to talk to the author!") present had been introduced.

The country known as Britain addressed them. "So what are you here for, anyways?"

The teenagers looked around at each other. It was time.

"There is a prophecy."

* * *

**Translations:**

**Megront (Hungarian) – Pervert**

**Ciao (Italian) - Hi**

**Chigi (Italian) – Fuck **

**Pero Roma, eres tan lindo! Al igual que un helado de tomate! (Spanish) – But Rome, you're so cute! Like a tomatogelato! **

**Pays de Pasion (French) – Country of Passion**

**Entire France-Paris-Ottawa conversation (French)- **

**"I presume that this beautiful lady in front of me is Paris?" "Your assumption is correct, good sir." "Can I ask you if you are doing anything tonight?" "Nothing that cannot be rearranged to quality time with you, sir ..." "Uh, guys, you realize that I can understand what you saying, right, eh? "**

**Wie heiß du? (German) – Who are you?**

**Manc (Slang) – Insulting term for a person from the city of Mancester.**

* * *

**Yes! Chapter Two! I am awesome! Okay, still, kind of a big deal for me. Just please don't kill me because of the ending. I make up for it, I swear!**

**Wow. I think half the UN saw this story. Hetalia: bringing people together.**

**And I know this isn't as funny, but I did just introduce 15 OC's. Give me a break.**

**Okay, I would like to thank: The Girl with Angel Wings, for following; unknown-for-life, for following, reviewing and keeping up PM correspondence; Amy, Lydia and Keith, for much inspiration; and my especially lovely beta, Doc Olympia. And all you brilliant readers who bothered to waste your lives to make me happy.**

**Muchas gracias. DBM out.**


	3. The Fail Prophecy

**_Previously on League of Capitals:_**

**_Daringly our heroes broke into the UN building. Deftly they escaped being arrested and thrown out. Evidently they introduced themeselves to the world. Literally._**

* * *

_The country known as Britain addressed them. "So what are you here for, anyways?"_

_The teenagers looked around at each other. It was time._

_"There is a prophecy."_

* * *

"You_ cannot _be serious."

"Veeee~ Serious about what, Buda?"

"A prophecy? Of all plot devices that you could choose, you chose a _prophecy_?"

Yes. I did. I had four choices, and an independent adjudicator chose prophecy.

"And what were these four choices?"

One: Huge natural disaster. Two: No reason whatsoever. Three: Prophecy. Four: Nargles.

"… You have no imagination."

Touchè.

So, after Budapest's little rant at the air, the countries turned to the cities.

"What is this prophecy, aru?" asked China.

The cities turned to London for explanation, who had pulled a massive book out of nowhere.

"This book contains every prophecy ever made. Let me find the right one."

"That's covenient, da-ze."

London flicked her hair behind her ears while she turned the pages of the ancient book.

"Umm.. One here, The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches.."

"That's from Harry Potter." piqued Berlin.

"Oh, OK, erm… Come back by sundown on June twenty-fourth or die…"

"Son of Neptune." interrupted Washington.

"Oops, sorry… Hah! Found it!"

_"Go to the countries when:_

_The Twins have fallen, the Impossible is possible, Katrina has ended, and the Gulf is poisoned."_

America suddenly spoke up.

"Wait, if you were told to come to us after Iggy's oil rig blew up, why didn't you come two years ago?"

London, looking at bit sheepish, explained;

"We" *cough*I*cough* "only just worked out what the 'Impossible' is. That movie did only come out at Christmas."

"We would have been here six months ago though if _le mouton noir_ had not been such a cheapskate and only bought it on DVD." muttered Paris.

"Fuck off, cheese eating surrender monkey. But still, the rest of the prophecy is:

_Xjip zia jewi hupi, emm gogviip,_

_xeov gus vjo voni xjip vjo meshitv vjsiev sotit eheop, _

_Gus xjip vjo xusmf deppuv fidofi,_

_zau tjemm fidofi gus vjin." _

This being said, most counties looked at London increduously. The prophecy was just a load of gibberish.

"What the fuck was that?"

"A lazy jab from the author to get her code officially recognised as the official language of Sealand."

"What, Roma?"

"Oh, nothing, onii-chan."

"When you have gone, all fifteen,

wait for the time when the world's largest threat rises again,

For when the world cannot decide,

You shall have to decide for them."

Exeryone in the room turned to stare in a mixture of shock and amazement at the country that had cracked the prophecy code.

"How the fuck did you that! I mean, I'm the greatest spy in the world and and you're… well you're…"

"Crossdressing bastard?"

"Yes!"

Poland looked round at the surprised faces.

"I mean, like that was _totally_ easy! I'm surprised like, you haven't worked it out yet!"

"Bastardo…"

"So, what are we going to do now, aru?"

"That's a good point. We really should have thought this through before we decided to reveal ourselves." said Vienna.

"Meh, we're here now. Might as well just crash at our bosses' places until the shit starts to hit the fan." answered Königsburg

The countries turned to the cities in horror.

"WHAT?"

"YOU'RE ALL PHYSCOTIC!"

"This will be fun, Kessesse…"

"PASTA~!"

"GELATO~!"

"It's the end of the world as we know it…"

"SHUT UP! WE'RE NOT ALLOWED TO SING THAT SONG, ACCORDING TO 333 WAYS TO GET KICKED OUT OF THE UN!"

"FOURTH WALL!"

"EVERYONE SHUT UP!"

"FOURTH WALL!"

So, whilst the ever- frequent shouting matches were going on (God, these things are fun to write), Canada and Ottawa were quietly adding extra seats to the flights.

"Yes, two extra flights to Berlin under the name of Beschmidt, please-"

"Kessesse! Take that, Spatchel Hünden!"

"Two too Venice under Vargras-"

"My breasts are not soley for your enjoyment, tomato bastard~"

"One too Budapest with Héderváry-"

"FUCKING TILDES!"

"Extra with Endelstein to Vienna-"

"Liebling, I ask you again not to break the fourth wall…"

"Yes, and one extra seat with Mr. Kirkland. No, I assure you it's not Mr MacLeod again…"

"Oh, Oi did not jus' 'ear yoo diz moi Unkl Scottee…"

"Yes, Mr. President, please have someone prepare an extra room-"

"EVERYBODY IN THE USA-"

"Thank you."

So it was arranged. The capitals would stay with their countries until the shit started to hit the fan.

The Earth is officially fucked.

* * *

**DONE! Yes, I know, I'm a horrible person. I never update within my deadlines! But Ok, all forgiven, hugs all round.**

**Would like to thank: Doc Olympia, my beta, Amy, Lyds and Keith, for inspiration (These three are London, Venice and Berlin, respectively.), RivalAdmirer21, for following my community, and thankchaosforspellcheck, for favourite and reviewing.**

**Going to Manchester Comic-Con 2013! Going as Lithuania! So if you see a Lithuania with a 'Hugs free me from Russia' sign glomping the Doctor, yell "FOURTH WALL!" at me, Ok?**

**Oh, and I was listening to the Legally Blonde soundtrack when writing this, and am I the only person who thinks Poland would be great as Elle and Lithuania as Emmet? And Spain and Romano as Nikos and Carlos? SOMEONE WRITE THAT FANFIC, PLEASE!**

**Now, whilst I figure out a plot, the next fifteen chapters will be one-shots; one for each city. I currently have London's, Moscow's and Paris's written, but tell me whomever you want.**

**Oh, and a drabble for anyone who decodes this message in Sealandian:**

_**O'n tussz, cav vu jewi pziv mogi.**_

**Translations:**

**Cheese- eating surrender monkey (slang)- Insulting term for a French person**

**Spatchel Hünden(German)- Spatula Bitch**

**Liebling(German)- Darling**

**Oh, Oi did not jus' 'ear yoo diz moi Unkl Scottee…(Cockney)- Oh, I did not just hear you diss my Uncle Scottie…**

**Oh and yes, Sealandian is a thing. Ask for a translator, it'll pop up a lot.**

**And the reason Poland is able to understand Sealandian is because he's awesome. And because he cracked Enigma in WWII. But he's still awesome.**

**And I would suggest to brush up on you cities/ states. I'm introducing a fuckload more.**

**And the picture for this fic is the cities. Just thought I'd mention.**

**And the reason why London doesn't recognise Washington as a member is because he's a state. Not a city. This is a Britsh person supposing that Washington D.C is in Washington State.**

**And they do have human names. I'll put then in the next note, because this one is already 302 words long.**

**I don't own Harry Potter (WTF with Dobby, J.K!) or Percy Jackson (LEO/HAZEL FTW!) or the song, The End of the World (AKA Americas' theme) or 333 ways to get kicked out of the UN (Brilliant fanfic, BTW)**

**Dziękuję bardzo. DBM out.**


End file.
